I HATE meltdowns

So this afternoon mom and I and the kids ran to the grocery store for a few things. Things were going great with Airen in one cart and Mara in another. Gathered what we needed pretty quickly. Then Airen noticed the toy section. Before even heading there it was known that no toys would be bought at all. NOTHING. He was doing okay to start with then found something he just had to have. He was told NO and we continued to head for the checkouts. Let me just tell you that unless you've experienced first hand a child with autism and what can happen from over stimulation you won't understand the next part. Airen all out throw an all out classic screaming fit. I think the whole store heard us and I know employees were concerned as one lingered near us to make sure we weren't hurting the child I am sure. So much for the cart full of stuff. I just needed to get Airen out of the cart and out of the store. Kicking and screaming I make my way out of the store carrying him. We get outside and he is so upset he is about to throw up. More store employees outside watching. More people watching and making their own conclusions to things going on. Let me tell you it is just horrible to have Airen react like this. Most times he doesnt' even remember the screaming, the hitting or the kicking. I just have to keep reminding myself "He is doing the best he knows how" no matter what others think.

There are some days that I just want to run and hide from autism. There are other days that I am just in pure amazement of my son. He's the most loving and caring little boy. Out of the blue he will say ''mommy I love you'' and its those moments that my heart melts. Of when Mara is upset and he starts to sing songs to her ''to make her happy''.

A dear friend of mine reminded me of somethings this evening. She told me the following
"you are a strong woman, and I think God gives special kids to special mothers, cause not everyone can handle as much as you!!" I thank her for reminding me of this and for putting things back into perspective for me. To my friend again I tell you ''thank you for being there this evening when I needed a friend. I love you!!"'

With this said 7 more long days till Doug returns from Boston and I cannot wait. Two weeks is a very long time to be gone and I know the kids miss their daddy.